Def not in present moment. I am not mediating or anything and even if I were to try I am just not in the state of mind.
Symptoms-right kidney pain, leg cramps
I had a scary moment this week. I have been having severe kidney pain and I woke up in extreme pain and started barfing in the middle of the night. I was actually scared but remained cool and has Michael call the doctor. I went to the doctor the next morning and he thinks I am having kidney stones! Oh joy! Lucky me though apparently kidney stones are suppose to hurt worse then birth if thats the truth then birth doesn't seem so bad after all!
I saw the baby and he looks great. He looked like total wild man and I really enjoyed watching him. Like every appointment I have had so far the extreme happiness is countered by sorrow. I found out that Alpha probably vanished this week although he could be behind Bravo and we just cant see him. But either way he is gone from our sight forever.
I am still having an extremely hard time with the loss. Honestly, finding out he vanished was just as heart wrenching as the day we found out he died. I guess now he really is gone.
I am crying probably once a week about him and usually on the way back from work in the car. I guess its because I have time to think... I am trying to keep my stuff together though and not cry in front of Mike so I sit in the car and compose myself before coming in. I don't want him to have to suffer more.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
18
I am having a hard time emotionally. Every appointment they check both Bravo and Alpha and its getting really hard.
My boobs are still itching but luckily I dont see any stretch marks. I am making sure to put bio oil on twice a day. I am also having leg/joint pain. I am going to watch it but I may need to call the rheumi and get blood work.
I also started cleaning out the nursrey and it looks so different not having mikes things in there.
My boobs are still itching but luckily I dont see any stretch marks. I am making sure to put bio oil on twice a day. I am also having leg/joint pain. I am going to watch it but I may need to call the rheumi and get blood work.
I also started cleaning out the nursrey and it looks so different not having mikes things in there.
17 Weeks Pregnant
Baby Growth:
Average babies are weighing around 5 ounces but you are weighing 8! You are around the size of a turnip right now and you are around 5 inches long now and have working sweat glands.
My Symptoms:
I am continuing to have sinus problems although this week has been less severe. Mood swings are still in effect and I get reallllly annoyed fast! Oh, and my boobs started to itch, bad. I busted out the bio oil and I guess it helps. I am hoping its just from the hormones and not stretching going on.
Weight:
I am maintaining but I am a few pounds over the average.
Maternity Clothes:
I think I can still fit in most clothes but not comfortably. I bought maternity clothes this week and I feel so much more confident and pretty! I also bought maternity underwear and I'm so much more comfortable! I guess I just got more junk in the trunk now!
Movement:
I felt movement for the first time! I was at work walking and I stopped dead in my tracks! I thought omg, is this a bad cramp ...then I thought nope, no pain here and then I realized what it was. It lasted only a minute and felt like a small wave. It was really exciting and I cant wait to feel more.
Sleep:
Still sucky.
Average babies are weighing around 5 ounces but you are weighing 8! You are around the size of a turnip right now and you are around 5 inches long now and have working sweat glands.
My Symptoms:
I am continuing to have sinus problems although this week has been less severe. Mood swings are still in effect and I get reallllly annoyed fast! Oh, and my boobs started to itch, bad. I busted out the bio oil and I guess it helps. I am hoping its just from the hormones and not stretching going on.
Weight:
I am maintaining but I am a few pounds over the average.
Maternity Clothes:
I think I can still fit in most clothes but not comfortably. I bought maternity clothes this week and I feel so much more confident and pretty! I also bought maternity underwear and I'm so much more comfortable! I guess I just got more junk in the trunk now!
Movement:
I felt movement for the first time! I was at work walking and I stopped dead in my tracks! I thought omg, is this a bad cramp ...then I thought nope, no pain here and then I realized what it was. It lasted only a minute and felt like a small wave. It was really exciting and I cant wait to feel more.
Sleep:
Still sucky.
Cravings:
I have been wanting hibachi!
Best Moment of the Week:
We had your anatomy scan this week! You are defiantly a boy! The first thing we saw when the ultra sound came up was the money shot! We saw you stretched out, curl in a ball, and even roll! You played around with tech which was really cool. She loved you and took like 20 pics of you. You also discovered a certain body part and the tech thought this was hysterical. Your dad and I just kept our mouths shut. The tech She took about ten photos of you doing this ... Sorry kid :)
Goals for this Week:
Stay busy!
Belly Pictures:
16 Weeks Pregnant
My Symptoms:
This week has been rough. I have been extremely moody and emotional. I broke down several times over our loss and actually hyper ventilated at one point. There's really nothing else to say...
Weight:
The jump happened im 170-173 so about 12-15 pounds up
Gender:
Sweet baby boy!
Movement:
none and im dying to feel it!
Sleep:
Still not sleeping
Cravings:
None
What I miss:
Cardio!
Questions/Concerns:
I actually left work early because I thought I was leaking! I went into the dresing room and hid to call my doctor! Luckily, it was nothing and I got checked by my doctor at 17 wks and my amniotic fluid was fine. Time to start kegels!
Goals for this Week:
Be busy and productive
This week has been rough. I have been extremely moody and emotional. I broke down several times over our loss and actually hyper ventilated at one point. There's really nothing else to say...
Weight:
The jump happened im 170-173 so about 12-15 pounds up
Gender:
Sweet baby boy!
Movement:
none and im dying to feel it!
Sleep:
Still not sleeping
Cravings:
None
What I miss:
Cardio!
Questions/Concerns:
I actually left work early because I thought I was leaking! I went into the dresing room and hid to call my doctor! Luckily, it was nothing and I got checked by my doctor at 17 wks and my amniotic fluid was fine. Time to start kegels!
Goals for this Week:
Be busy and productive
Weeks 14 and 15 Pregnant
Yikes! Well, I fell behind! So this post is a mix of weeks 14 and 15!
Baby Growth: Bravo is now about 4 inches long and the size of an apple. He or she is weighing in at about 2 oz and can sense light (if we put a flashlight up to my belly Bravo would move away from it!).
Belly Picture:
Here is my belly pic at 15 weeks.
My Symptoms:
14/15 God awful headaches, sinus problems, insomnia and dry lips. I couldn't find any relief from any of these things. One night when it was mild and I was up at 3 , I "surrendered" and tried a mediation/body scan to help with my headache and that seemed to help a bit. But for the most part I have been in so much pain I couldn't focus long enough to meditate.
Week 15- My sinus pain was off the chain at week and I got dry lips! I've never had them and OMG, whats that about they are swollen, cracked and bleeding. Its so strange and so painful!
Week 14/15 I am now routinely waking up at 3 and going back to sleep at 6 then waking up around 9. I am not getting in my rem cycle and I can feel it.
End of Week 15- I started getting really emotional and moody. I have to watch because the word vomit came out a few times and I don't want to become that "person."
Weight:
Its been the same the past two weeks. Although I noticed my face is getting rounder! But I know I will defiantly be gaining because of all the junk I've been eating. {I don't want to do anything when my head hurts and i'm tired.)
Gender:
Sweet baby boy!
Movement:
Well, I haven't felt you yet but we saw you at 15 weeks. You were opening and closing your mouth and you had your arms over your head. It was precious.
Sleep:
Whats that?
Cravings:
None but this was the first time I wish I could have a beer or glass of wine! I was laying on the couch and thought a glass of wine would be so nice and relaxing. But I resisted :)
What I miss:
Running. When I feel moody or tired I always could count on running for a pick me up and its been hard not doing it when I so desperately crave it. The weather has been amazing too and man I want to hit the trails.
Questions/Concerns:
None right now. I did call the doctor for headache advice but it didn't really do much.
Goals for this Week:
Self care. I am going to really up the sleep hygiene and work on getting back in the grove.
Baby Growth: Bravo is now about 4 inches long and the size of an apple. He or she is weighing in at about 2 oz and can sense light (if we put a flashlight up to my belly Bravo would move away from it!).
Belly Picture:
Here is my belly pic at 15 weeks.
My Symptoms:
14/15 God awful headaches, sinus problems, insomnia and dry lips. I couldn't find any relief from any of these things. One night when it was mild and I was up at 3 , I "surrendered" and tried a mediation/body scan to help with my headache and that seemed to help a bit. But for the most part I have been in so much pain I couldn't focus long enough to meditate.
Week 15- My sinus pain was off the chain at week and I got dry lips! I've never had them and OMG, whats that about they are swollen, cracked and bleeding. Its so strange and so painful!
Week 14/15 I am now routinely waking up at 3 and going back to sleep at 6 then waking up around 9. I am not getting in my rem cycle and I can feel it.
End of Week 15- I started getting really emotional and moody. I have to watch because the word vomit came out a few times and I don't want to become that "person."
Weight:
Its been the same the past two weeks. Although I noticed my face is getting rounder! But I know I will defiantly be gaining because of all the junk I've been eating. {I don't want to do anything when my head hurts and i'm tired.)
Gender:
Sweet baby boy!
Movement:
Well, I haven't felt you yet but we saw you at 15 weeks. You were opening and closing your mouth and you had your arms over your head. It was precious.
Sleep:
Whats that?
Cravings:
None but this was the first time I wish I could have a beer or glass of wine! I was laying on the couch and thought a glass of wine would be so nice and relaxing. But I resisted :)
What I miss:
Running. When I feel moody or tired I always could count on running for a pick me up and its been hard not doing it when I so desperately crave it. The weather has been amazing too and man I want to hit the trails.
Questions/Concerns:
None right now. I did call the doctor for headache advice but it didn't really do much.
Goals for this Week:
Self care. I am going to really up the sleep hygiene and work on getting back in the grove.
13 Weeks Pregnant
Baby Growth: This week Bravo's fingertips have fingerprints, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. He is the size of a pea pod!
Symptoms: Headaches and exhaustion. The headaches have been fierce this week and tynol is not helping. I also haven't been sleeping. I lay in bed for some time but don't fall asleep till at least 11. And then I am also consistently waking up around 3am and don't fall back asleep until 6:30. Im tired... Last night I lit candles, meditated and put the phone down but it didn't work. I may mention this at the next appointment.
Weight: same!!
Gender: Well, I still don't know but we picked up the envelope with our babys gender in it. They actually called to tell me the baby's test results were great and she asked if I wanted to know the sex. It was so hard to say no! It was even harder to pick up that envelope yesterday! I made sure the nurse picked it up and made sure I couldn't see through the envelope! I also had to put the envelope in my glove compartment- I couldn't risk any chances!
Maternity Clothes: We bought two shirts and some black pants last weekend! It was really exciting and we had a great time picking out things. I didn't go crazy though because its so hard to imagine buying clothes knowing you are going to get bigger! This is a first!
Movement: I went to my new ob last Thursday so technically I was 12 weeks 6 days but anyway he was awesome and impowering. I was able to watch the baby and my gosh- such a sweet little thing. He had his leg stretched and then curled it in. It was amazing- and still is! I cant stop watching it!
Sleep: sleep whats that?
Cravings: Nothing!
What I Miss: Still miss running! I just want to get out and hit the trails in this weather!
Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Seeing how close Michael and I have gotten over the past five years and how much we have grown as a couple. Also, I told my grandparents we were expecting and it my heart felt so much love when I told my grandmother.
Questions/Concerns: I was reading a blog and I really hope my doctors are gentle with the lady oparts when the time comes! It really freaks me out!
Goals for this Week: Find my calm.
Belly Pictures:
Symptoms: Headaches and exhaustion. The headaches have been fierce this week and tynol is not helping. I also haven't been sleeping. I lay in bed for some time but don't fall asleep till at least 11. And then I am also consistently waking up around 3am and don't fall back asleep until 6:30. Im tired... Last night I lit candles, meditated and put the phone down but it didn't work. I may mention this at the next appointment.
Weight: same!!
Gender: Well, I still don't know but we picked up the envelope with our babys gender in it. They actually called to tell me the baby's test results were great and she asked if I wanted to know the sex. It was so hard to say no! It was even harder to pick up that envelope yesterday! I made sure the nurse picked it up and made sure I couldn't see through the envelope! I also had to put the envelope in my glove compartment- I couldn't risk any chances!
Maternity Clothes: We bought two shirts and some black pants last weekend! It was really exciting and we had a great time picking out things. I didn't go crazy though because its so hard to imagine buying clothes knowing you are going to get bigger! This is a first!
Movement: I went to my new ob last Thursday so technically I was 12 weeks 6 days but anyway he was awesome and impowering. I was able to watch the baby and my gosh- such a sweet little thing. He had his leg stretched and then curled it in. It was amazing- and still is! I cant stop watching it!
Sleep: sleep whats that?
Cravings: Nothing!
What I Miss: Still miss running! I just want to get out and hit the trails in this weather!
Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Seeing how close Michael and I have gotten over the past five years and how much we have grown as a couple. Also, I told my grandparents we were expecting and it my heart felt so much love when I told my grandmother.
Questions/Concerns: I was reading a blog and I really hope my doctors are gentle with the lady oparts when the time comes! It really freaks me out!
Goals for this Week: Find my calm.
Belly Pictures:
12 Weeks Pregnant
Here's a recap of my 12 weeks!
Baby Growth: This week Bravo is developing reflexes and can open and close his or her fingers! Bravo is roughly 2 inches long (size of a lime) and weighs half of an ounce.
Symptoms: Nothing! Thank the lord! I feel normal again! The only thing I have noticed is when I get tired I literally feel sick now. Sleep is not an option! Also, if I am on my feet to long they kill. But other then that I feel normal again.
Weight: I've gained 8 pounds! BUT I had gained that amount by 2 months and since then I haven't gained anymore. The doctor said my weight is perfect.
Gender: I still think a boy! Michael is now thinking a girl! Shelba, Ron and my mom think boy!
Maternity Clothes: Not yet but soon. My "fat girl" dress pants barely fit and no lie, the buttons on my size 8 pants flew off 2 weeks ago.
Movement: I don't feel anything yet but we saw sweet baby K swaying at our last appointment. We also saw him try to flip but with little success :)
Sleep: I feel tired all the time. If I don't rest I will feel sick and pay for it the next day. I have also been waking up at 3 every night... I don't know what that's about.
Cravings: Luckily they have calmed down. I am not really craving anything in particular. I still can't tolerate ground beef, and/or tomato sauce...my old favorites.
What I Miss: Running! I've been seeing friends talking about mileage on fb and I've gotten so jealous!
Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Seeing baby K healthy at our ultra sound. Telling Shelba and Ron about baby K.
Questions/Concerns: I am really curious about how to prepare my body for birth.
Goals for this Week: Work on getting back in a routine. This being tired thing has really messed things up. Keep up with my chores- our house isn't bad but its not up my normal cleaning standards :) Also, laundry. I've been too tired to fold clothes so there are piles everywhere- ew!
Belly Pictures:
Baby Growth: This week Bravo is developing reflexes and can open and close his or her fingers! Bravo is roughly 2 inches long (size of a lime) and weighs half of an ounce.
Symptoms: Nothing! Thank the lord! I feel normal again! The only thing I have noticed is when I get tired I literally feel sick now. Sleep is not an option! Also, if I am on my feet to long they kill. But other then that I feel normal again.
Weight: I've gained 8 pounds! BUT I had gained that amount by 2 months and since then I haven't gained anymore. The doctor said my weight is perfect.
Gender: I still think a boy! Michael is now thinking a girl! Shelba, Ron and my mom think boy!
Maternity Clothes: Not yet but soon. My "fat girl" dress pants barely fit and no lie, the buttons on my size 8 pants flew off 2 weeks ago.
Movement: I don't feel anything yet but we saw sweet baby K swaying at our last appointment. We also saw him try to flip but with little success :)
Sleep: I feel tired all the time. If I don't rest I will feel sick and pay for it the next day. I have also been waking up at 3 every night... I don't know what that's about.
Cravings: Luckily they have calmed down. I am not really craving anything in particular. I still can't tolerate ground beef, and/or tomato sauce...my old favorites.
What I Miss: Running! I've been seeing friends talking about mileage on fb and I've gotten so jealous!
Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Seeing baby K healthy at our ultra sound. Telling Shelba and Ron about baby K.
Questions/Concerns: I am really curious about how to prepare my body for birth.
Goals for this Week: Work on getting back in a routine. This being tired thing has really messed things up. Keep up with my chores- our house isn't bad but its not up my normal cleaning standards :) Also, laundry. I've been too tired to fold clothes so there are piles everywhere- ew!
Belly Pictures:
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