February 3-10

Happy boy. You slept 8-930! That day we shopped for houses and you were fabulous! You went to your first to a super bowl party and you were great there too. And apparently all that excitement wore you out because you slept almost 12 hours with just two dream feeds!

The great sleep in continuing on! Its 9:00 here on a Thursday and you are still out!

You are giggling a lot and we LOVE IT. Its so precious baby!

You are definitely a mommys boy but this week you have really taken to your dad and you have started smiling soon as you see him.

February 3-10

22 Weeks

February 3-10

Hey Kid! I am so confused by how many weeks you are right now. Haha. I am going to start writing down the actual dates so I don't mess things up. Oh well. So this week is a blur.

On Sunday we looked for houses and you were fabulous! You went to your first to a super bowl party and you were great there too. And apparently all that excitement wore you out because you slept almost 12 hours with just two dream feeds!

The great sleep in continuing on! You are sleeping till 9! I am not going to jinx it though. I know you were once on a schedule then boom you threw me a curve ball and mixed it all up. Its awesome though you. I totally don't mind having time to get ready and have a cup of coffee before having to hit the ground running :) You are still getting 1 or 2 dream feeds a night. You are rolling everywhere while you sleep! You prefer to sleep on your stomach like I do or on your side curled up near the corner of your crib. We are going to have to lower your pack and play soon because you are stretching your neck and body to look over it!

On Monday we went under contract on your first home. I am happy it sold  so fast because having to put all your toys up and dash out of the house sure made me break out in a sweat.

You are definitely becoming a big boy. This is the first week I saw you really try to sit up on your own. It amazes me that your little mind has such instincts in it

 You love your left foot. You play with it, suck on it and spend a lot of time with it :) Your left sock doesn't have a chance.

We tried feeding you this week too. We gave you rice cereal and you were not impressed to say the least. We didn't push it. I put some on your tray to let you play with it and explore but you had no interest. You did like your spoon though which we let you have to test out.

You are still  a mommys boy but this week you have really taken to your dad and you have started smiling and getting excited as soon as you see him.

Each week just gets better and better. We love watching you grow and look forward to every day with you!

One year

I can't believe it's been one year. It doesn't feel like any time has passed. I was sitting on the couch drinking coffee this morning when I found myself thinking how excited about the life we were going to have with two, unaware what was to come in that silent room. It's crazy to think that is even possible. Literally everything changed in a matter of seconds.

I thought about it and I wanted us to be happy as a family today. I didn't want it to be a day of mourning but rather a day of love and remembrance. 

I did get a little emotional buying the flowers and balloons at the store. It came out of no where as does grief. Overall though I felt calm and peaceful.

I wasn't sure about the flowers. I was actually kicking myself for not making something out of them before we released them. But luckily the flowers didn't need any help in looking beautiful. 

They looked so beautiful. Michael threw his flower in first and that big yellow flower bounced on the water and began to slowly drift away. Then I placed mine in. I was afraid they would be washed ashore or pushed into a nook but they didn't. They floated together minus the first one I placed in the water, he stayed right where I put it. 

The flowers reminded me of the lotus flower and its story.

In case you weren't aware in Buddhism..

 "The lotus flower symbolizes rising from a dark place into beauty and rebirth, as this is exactly how a lotus flower grows. Lotus flowers grow directly out of muddy and murky waters and produce beautiful white and pink blossoms."

I found this to be a very peaceful experience. I was not  really thinking about anything. I was just there, in the present moment. I didn't have to force it. It just happened.

After the flowers we went to release the balloons. As we were walking to release the balloons Mikes popped. It worked out just fine because I that moment Charlie grabbed the string to my balloon and I decided we should let Charlie release the balloon himself.  

I know no one besides us remembered yesterday or at least no one talked to us about it. I guess thats how it goes with miscarriages. But we will always remember. There is no shame in love. Ours is unconditional and we are so grateful for the happiness we experienced even if was only a short time. And we our grateful that we can love this way.

14 Weeks

So Mommy went to the support group.

I cried soon as I saw them...

When I heard a of their few stories I started to cry because my pain is not comparable but I was reassured my feelings are very real. It felt good and I left feeling more at peace then I have the entire year. I will definitely be staying in touch with them. I am so happy I found them...

We went to Belks this week and saw some of Mommy's friends. As always you were adorable and soaked up the attention.

right now

never forgotten