May 11, 2017

Charlie you are amazing! You bring light into this world! You are such a happy baby.

You have SIX teeth and the cutest little gap between the top two. Don't worry we will get you braces when you are older but right know, that toothy grin, swoon.

You are going to be walking soon. You love standing up. You grab onto everything and pull up. You really have taken to your Dad this month and smile big when he comes home. You have said Da Da a few times for some reason the very most in the morning...maybe you are wondering where he is?

You also like Eddie! You will tap your hand just like we do to get Eddie to come and its so cute. You arent saying Eddie, yet but you are saying EH HH. You hear the E and you can tell you are pronouncing two syllables and you are always looking at Ed and taping your hand when you do it. Genius :)

This past Monday we put you in your own room. You kept waking up at 2 and after a small feeding would go to sleep with us. Well I love it and all but you wanted to do it every night. And that just cant happen. Per Dr. Shore you needed to go into your own room. Man, it sucked. I was in bed and I literally missed you! I mean you were one room over and I missed you!

You slept great and are still going strong in your own bed. Im wondering if we were doing something to wake you up at 2. Snoring, movement, who knows.

You love water and your nuk cup your GiGi bought you. You love your little icepops too. You are eating 3 meals a day plus bottles. You are eating everything now but your favorites at first were veggies. You are just now getting into fruits.

I tried giving you puffs yesterday and today and you had no interest eating them but had a great time playing with them.

Your hair is LONG! Your side burns are halfway passed your ear and if your bangs arent brushed over they go into your eyes. Your hair is so pretty and I love when you let me brush it with my hand.

You started getting some separation anxiety which is common at this age. It is the saddest thing though! Oh and stranger danger is real! You were in the kitchen playing and me and the counter guys were coming in, I followed behind them and you flipped. We were also at the store and when your dad stepped aside for a second to pay for something you flipped when you couldn't see him. I was actually an ilse over when I heard you and came running over. It was kind of funny. A stylish 30 something guy was trying to consul you- like your daddy is right there little guy its ok.

I took you to the park. When we went to cauble i let you crawl around. You were very interested in the bark on the ground lol. But you did run around and when you saw another baby you would crawl up to check him out. We also went to Swift Cantrell. Its an awesome park. There were too many kids to let you go wild but you still had a good time.

We just booked the hotel and you will be coming to Pensacola with us. Your dad has a business trip so you and I will go check things out! It will be strange having a little buddy with me! Im used to exploring on my own!

I noticed the past two days you got annoyed with eddie. I think he tried to lick your icepop or something and i saw you shove your arm away from him with annoyance. It was funny. Speaking of Eddie you DART to his bowls. You LOVE splashing his water and you like putting both hands into his food bowl and swirling the kibble around. Poor ed must be starving because we have to keep everything up away from you. HAHA

You love your jumper still. Although you arent jumping as much. Each day we go sit on the porch and I put you in it. You have started to just chill in it and lounge. Its cute. I need to get you a rocking chair I was told you wont sit in it but i dont know you have some chill moments.

You really are the sweetest little thing. I have so much fun with you and I am so proud of you. You are the greatest treasure. Everyday is something new and we are already thinking of your FIRST birthday! How is that even possible?

Emotional-5/11

I hear myself saying it should have been two!

I should have had two!

I should have two for mothers day!

I should have left with two!

There should have, there should be, there should have!

and one of my favorites I should have told them sooner...

I think one of the saddest thing aside from the actual loss was how everyone was told. That, they didn't get to experience that tear inducing, heart exploding, knees shaking excitement.

I was so excited for weeks about telling them. I played it out in my head a million times yet it never crossed my mind that it wouldn't happen.

It still kills me that we didn't get to share those beautiful, exciting raw emotions. Literally half of the pregnancy was kept a secret from the world we all had to bare.

This is something that I have not found peace in yet.

I wish with all my heart I shared that time with the people I love.

I wish I screamed it from the roof tops because it was.that.damn.wonderful.

How can someone carry two babies in their stomach and yet no one even know?

I feel like one of the best moments of my life is a secret and it sucks.