I’ve been very hormonal this week! I’ve also been dry heaving and have had sciatic pain in my lower left hip. I had some pretty intense migraines during week 1) but as of right now they have slowed down. I’ve been very tired the past week and I’m ready to tap out by the time mike is home.
If I’m in a lose shirt you can’t really notice a bump but if I wear a fitted shirt there’s a small bump that is finally noticeable.
We have a high risk appointment tomorrow and my emotions are all over the place about it.
I can’t stop thinking about wanting another. We will not have another naturally but I think I’m
Opening up to ivf or adoption..
Monday, July 8, 2019
Sunday, June 30, 2019
16 weeks 4 days
It’s intetesting to see my stats from last go
Round. I was up 12-15 pounds at this pound last time but only weighed 170-173 whereas this time I’m up six pounds and I’m 180. I gained 4 pounds this month and I’m hoping I’m on track I actually feel really swollen and uncomfortable with myself at the moment.
Like last time I’m also having an emotional time. I actually almost cried at a mean face a cashier gave me this morning. Along with that I’m nauseated and threw up yesterday and have had a migraine since last night. I tried swimming but that didn’t do anything. I’ve beeb laying in bed the past two hours or so and my head feels better now. Do 16 weeks has been a rough week both times.
I’m feeling rather distant from Michael right now. I think it’s a self preservation thing after last time. Otherwise there’s no real need for that. Charlie is bringing me a lot of joy and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have him. I feel deeply appreciative to have him in my life. Again I’m guessing hormones and lasts two losses have something to do with these strong emotions.
I’m hoping to stay busy this week and do something to get some stress relief although with this low impact stuff I don’t know how much relief I’ll get.
I have the bedroom designed and I hope to get that going ASAP.
Round. I was up 12-15 pounds at this pound last time but only weighed 170-173 whereas this time I’m up six pounds and I’m 180. I gained 4 pounds this month and I’m hoping I’m on track I actually feel really swollen and uncomfortable with myself at the moment.
Like last time I’m also having an emotional time. I actually almost cried at a mean face a cashier gave me this morning. Along with that I’m nauseated and threw up yesterday and have had a migraine since last night. I tried swimming but that didn’t do anything. I’ve beeb laying in bed the past two hours or so and my head feels better now. Do 16 weeks has been a rough week both times.
I’m feeling rather distant from Michael right now. I think it’s a self preservation thing after last time. Otherwise there’s no real need for that. Charlie is bringing me a lot of joy and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have him. I feel deeply appreciative to have him in my life. Again I’m guessing hormones and lasts two losses have something to do with these strong emotions.
I’m hoping to stay busy this week and do something to get some stress relief although with this low impact stuff I don’t know how much relief I’ll get.
I have the bedroom designed and I hope to get that going ASAP.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
VTS, It happened again
I have been ok with the miscarriage this time. I had 3 years to wrap my head around what happened last time and completely changed my mindset prior to getting pregnant this time. I didn't want to have to change my mindset but for survival in case something did, I had to.
In this moment I feel vulnerable. I get very triggered seeing things about the process of vanishing twin. It brings back heart ache and fear and the thing is no one knows what its like. To think this very moment that baby is dead in me... its kind of a punch to the heart. But I don't think like that for the most part. The emotions do happen and I cant deny myself the sorrow because the fact is that is whats happening in my body and its the truth.
I have an appointment in 2 weeks. Ill be going in alone this time. I didnt think of it until now but theres a good chance the baby will have vanished at this point. I will be around 18 weeks. The last baby vanished at 19 and I saw him the week before there. Im still not sure he actually vanished or if he was grown over... Doesn't this sound morbid? Doesn't it make you uncomfortable to hear? Because it sounds psycho to me but like I said these are facts not emotions. This is whats happening in my body whether we like it or not.
Im not really sad... but I do fear the moment hes gone. Theres not much to say about it. Its just scary and sad mixed with gratitude and love. Its such a mind fuck.
Vanishing twin sucks.
In this moment I feel vulnerable. I get very triggered seeing things about the process of vanishing twin. It brings back heart ache and fear and the thing is no one knows what its like. To think this very moment that baby is dead in me... its kind of a punch to the heart. But I don't think like that for the most part. The emotions do happen and I cant deny myself the sorrow because the fact is that is whats happening in my body and its the truth.
I have an appointment in 2 weeks. Ill be going in alone this time. I didnt think of it until now but theres a good chance the baby will have vanished at this point. I will be around 18 weeks. The last baby vanished at 19 and I saw him the week before there. Im still not sure he actually vanished or if he was grown over... Doesn't this sound morbid? Doesn't it make you uncomfortable to hear? Because it sounds psycho to me but like I said these are facts not emotions. This is whats happening in my body whether we like it or not.
Im not really sad... but I do fear the moment hes gone. Theres not much to say about it. Its just scary and sad mixed with gratitude and love. Its such a mind fuck.
Vanishing twin sucks.
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