I still cant believe this happened to me. I cant believe how alone I have been on this journey. I just wanted to wrap my arms around all the women at the table as soon as I saw them.
They were warm and welcoming and there were more mothers then I expected. After meeting them it seems like I am the only one with vanishing twin although another girl did miscarry her twin as well.
As most of the moms gave birth and lost their twin I felt unworthy when I heard their painful stories. Mine was early, mine was a miscarriage. But as I teared up I was reassured it was about my heart, what I felt, and my family.
I cried some more.
I'm are tired of hearing this- its depressing
Shes crazy because it was just a miscarriage and it happens all the time
and the best- She needs to get over it
and trust me i know its sad, I want to get over and know very well I miscarried because I think about it everyday.
Really besides me spewing out my pain randomly no one has asked how I feel.
No one has talked to me about that sweet little baby and how it changed our lives.
Actually, writing it and realizing that kind of hurts my heart. But its true.
Why is wrong to love a baby that miscarried?
Why cant we talk about its death?
Why cant we celebrate and recognize its heartbeat?
Why cant we mourn with the mother?
By not recognizing the child you are invalidating the excitement, love the mother felt when she saw those heartbeats and the pain the day she only saw only one. Trust me I will never forget either of those days, ever.
And I know, I will never be the same. But I am trying and I am glad that almost a year later I am starting to feel some peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment